13
To walk the path I missed in my past life, I
immersed myself in study.
And Jason, under the pretense of asking for help, was constantly around me.
Freshman year passed quickly, and I remained
at the top of my grade.
Goodness knows, if I hadn’t failed my college
entrance exam in my past life, I would have
pursued research.
And I wouldn’t have been with Elijah, wanting
to make more money and studying computer
science.
Sophomore year, we were assigned classes,
and I saw a familiar face.
Jason.
When he became my seatmate, his face was
<
practically splitting into a grin, his usual
unrestrained self: “Sharing a desk with the top student, I’m awesome.”
Elijah, in front of us, just clenched his fists tighter.
Soon came the rainy night he’d mentioned
when he saw Heather’s back.
To avoid him, I took another route.
But I still saw him.
He wasn’t carrying an umbrella.
The rain was heavy, and across the bustling
street, our eyes met.
I immediately turned to change paths.
But he called out, “Heather…”
Ignoring him, I quickened my pace.
But he stopped me.
The rain was pouring, he was in a thin shirt,
soaked and clinging to his thin frame.
Rain streamed down his face, obscuring his
expression.
Silently holding my umbrella, I had no
intention of sheltering him from the rain. Passers–by occasionally cast curious glances. He ignored them, watching me intently.
I remembered once when I accompanied him
to a singing competition.
He’d already chosen a song, but before going
on stage, he changed it. He sang a song about innocent love, even missing a few beats.
Afterward, he said on stage that the song was dedicated to a girl in the audience. But I forgot that another person was there.
Heather, who’d come with a friend.
How could he enjoy my obvious affection for
him,
while giving his whole heart to someone else?
“Why are you avoiding me?”
Elijah spoke, his voice restrained and
suppressed, almost inaudible: “You’d rather
<
help others than even glance at me.”
He took a step closer, as if wanting to
approach me: “Jason has everything. He doesn’t need your charity.”
Charity?
So, in his eyes, my help was just charity?
I finally understood.
Elijah never liked me; he thought my help was just a pastime for me.
My condescending pity for his background.
My self–righteous salvation and sympathy.
He thought our relationship was unequal, so
he fell for Heather, who enjoyed teasing him,
didn’t pity him, and looked down on him.
But he forgot that because of my protection,
he didn’t actually suffer any real harm from
Heather.
Now, Heather belittled him, crushing his self-
esteem.
And made him realize Heather wasn’t what he
L
imagined.
And because I chose to stand by and watch,
not intervening, it made him think we were
similar.
I finally realized, someone like Elijah didn’t deserve a hand to pull him out of darkness.
What he wanted was someone with the same
personality flaws, someone in the same
darkness as him.
And I wasn’t.
His body swayed, his voice a whisper: “Why…
why do you hate me so much?”
