Preparing Me
Preparing Me
As I stand, the guards move closer. I want to tell them they don’t need to worry, I won’t try to run again, only the guards aren‘ t afraid to hit me. Then again, it’s not like my father hasn’t given the entire pack permission to punish me if they hear me speaking.
I step out of the office, and they guide me back to the cells. At least, that’s what I call it. When we get there, they step back, and I walk inside. My room is nothing more than a cupboard. Bare walls, nothing to cover the worn, splintering wood floor, and of course, no window.
There isn’t even a door for me, there’s no privacy. The guards have to be able to see me at all times, apparently. All I have is a mattress and a pile of old, dirty, worn clothes because I’m not allowed anything new or to wash them.
So while there’s no metal bars or prisoners, it’s still a cell. It’s not even mine. I was made aware from a young age that I couldn’t claim the space as mine, I couldn’t add anything to it or make it more personal. So yeah, it’s a cell disguised as a bedroom.
I should be grateful for this small thing I have, because tomorrow, when I’m handed to that monster, I could literally be in a cell. I’m not sure why he wants me or what he is giving my father in return.
Clutching the one sheet I have, I pull it up to my throat to try and hide the unease building in me. The guard outside is staring at me. I’m not sure why, I can’t escape the room. I’m not sure what is worse, the fact that my father has sold me like I’m nothing more than cattle or that the man who is buying me is the kind of rogue that every warrior fears.
The stories of him have spread a lot. Whenever my father throws parties, Xander is always a topic of conversation that comes up. He has no pack, no kingdom, and his army is built up of the discarded. Rogues, exiles, and killers without any loyalty. He doesn’t follow the rules of our world. He’s someone who makes his own. I have to wonder where he came from, no one knows that either. They just know he’s feared.
No one can blame someone for fearing him. People say he has no mercy, he doesn’t negotiate to get what he wants. He’s the sort of person who takes what he wants and then destroys everything that steps in his way like they are nothing.
He’s burnt down pack houses before, and if I’m honest, I feel like he’s hunting for someone or something. He’s searching, and this search has led to many deaths.
Now I’m his, and there’s nothing I can do.
Still, I wonder what my father is gaining from this. I thought he would make me marry an Alpha from another pack, one that he could merge with or maybe utilize. Xander Voss is not a man who works with other packs. He doesn’t help them either.
So did he pay with money? I dig my nails into my palm as I try and figure this out. There’s no way he wants me to be his wife, not when there are better women out there. There’s no way this is more than just a transaction. My father wouldn’t let me leave unless he gains from it.
I know my father is likely getting money. He’s not the issue, though. What could Xander possibly gain from taking me? From paying for me? He has no pack, no alliances where he must have a Luna.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter. There is only one answer to all this, one thing that I need to remember.
My father wants me gone, and Xander was willing to pay to have me. That alone should be what terrifies me. He bought me like I’m an object. Nothing good can come from that, right?
Pressing my lips together, I try to slow my frantic breathing. I already know it’s going to be worse living with Xander than me living here. My father may beat me, torture me, and make me feel like I stole someone else’s place to exist. I know what to expect here, though. That’s my safety net. Xander Voss is an unknown in this situation, and that’s what I fear. Not knowing his plan for me.
My night is spent drifting in and out of sleep, over and over. I can’t switch off my mind. I can’t stop wondering what Xander looks like. He’s never been here, I know that much. My father is making a deal with a man he’s never seen or met.
A knock against the wall makes me flinch, but I don’t move. I stay still and watch as the guard steps into the small space.” Get up.”
I don’t argue or hesitate because I would rather not be in pain when I’m handed to Xander. Moving slowly, my ribs still hur from yesterday’s punishment, but I ignore it and push up onto my feet.
The guard steps aside, and I walk out, following them as they lead me through the pack house. They stop outside a door, and I stand confused. It opens, and a maid motions me inside.
Stepping in, I look around. This is a forbidden room for me. I’m not allowed in the bathrooms.
“We’ve to clean you and make sure you’re presentable for the Alpha and the wedding.”
Clean me? I look around and notice the dress hanging up. Then, beneath it is a stack of clothing.
I don’t move as she tries to pull me toward the tub.
1/2
Preparing Me
“Your father has wished that you look good. He does not want you to represent this pack, but he has no choice, so his only option is to ensure you’re seen well, cleaned, and clothed. You will take those few items with you to show that your father took care of you.”
So he wants to pretend like he’s not a monster. I almost laugh at that. Standing here, she strips me and throws my old clothes away, and I’m not sure I like this. Being scrubbed clean like I am something to be given. I don’t say anything, though. The worst place to argue with my father’s rules and orders would be in water. I have no doubt I wouldn’t survive if they told him I refused his “kind offer.”
When I’m clean, dressed, and ready, I stare at myself in the mirror. My dark hair flows down to the base of my spine. It’s wavy. I’ve always seen it matted and a mess. My eyes are green, and my skin is pale, but not in a bad way. It’s good, like all the dirt has been removed.
The guards begin to escort me again. The halls are silent as I’m led toward my fate, one I’m not sure I will survive. Focusing on my breathing, my heart pounds. I want to refuse to marry him, but I know where that will lead.
So I keep my head down and follow them in silence. All I can do is hope I don’t endure hell where I’m going. My hope, though, is foolish. I know better. Where I’m going isn’t going to be freedom or escape. It’s going to be a new version of hell.
