“No, since high school, he’s waited for you
every morning before school,”
“That was me clinging to him!”
Mrs. Evans laughed. “Honey, if he didn’t want
you to cling to him, you wouldn’t have caught
<
him. He’d wake up early, take his time, and
linger just so you’d catch up.”
Really?
We walked past our old high school. The setting
sun cast a warm glow, softening everything.
On my last night at the Evans‘ house, after
everyone went to bed, Ethan texted me.
“Where did you and my mom go today?”
“The old amusement park.”
He didn’t reply. A few minutes later, he knocked
on my door.
He shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. “I came to apologize.”
“Apologize for what?”
<
“For leaving you at the amusement park. It was
a stupid thing to do, and I’m really sorry.”
“Why not just text me?”
Ethan looked serious. “Apologies should be in person. I believe that. Words on a screen… they’re not enough.”
That’s why he’d kept coming to Berkeley, even after I’d shut him out. He lived by his own code.
“I’m going back to L.A. tomorrow,” I said.
“I know.” He looked at me, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Six more months. I’ll be there in September.”
Three years ago, in that hotel room, he’d
promised to come to L.A. for grad school. He’d kept his word.
“Ethan.”
46
11:30
“Yeah?”
“Come in.”
He stepped inside. I closed the door and turned off the lights. The sudden darkness was
disorienting.
“You’re so tall,” I said. “If I pushed you, would
you fall?”
“Yeah,” he whispered, his breath warm against
my ear. “If it’s you… I’ll fall anywhere you want
me to.”
And then, we didn’t sleep at all.
17
The next morning, Ethan was still asleep. I turned off his alarm and grabbed my suitcase. Just as I was leaving, I remembered: I’d asked him to buy me a pair of shoes. I hadn’t paid him
<
back yet. How much were they? Two–fifty, I think. I had cash. I left it on his nightstand.
I slept through the train ride. When I woke up,
my phone was buzzing with messages from Ethan.
“Liv!! What the hell?!”
“You left again??? Are you trying to drive me insane??”
“You know how to twist the knife! Two hundred
and fifty bucks! I must have wronged you in a past life!”
“I’m coming to L.A. to settle the score!”
“Okay, fine, two–fifty it is.”
“As long as you’re happy 🙂”
He’d gone from furious to self–soothing. Very
11:31
thoughtful. Saved me the trouble,
I took a picture of the shoes and sent it to him.
“Thanks for buying the shoes”
Ethan: “…”
“So that’s what it was. My bad. Those other messages… weren’t me. My phone got stolen by a golden retriever,”
Me: “Sure,”
“So, where do we stand now?”
“Don’t overthink it. We’re adults.”
Ethan: “TVT” (crying emoticon)
Back at school, life returned to normal. Ethan texted me every day, sending snacks and
clothes. He was terrified I’d run off with
く
someone else, so he kept visiting L.A. He didn’t
have classes second semester senior year, so
he had plenty of time. My roommates all knew
him. He’d even bribed them with gifts to sing
his praises.
One night, during a late–night dorm chat, my
roommate sat up abruptly. “Oh my god, Liv! I
forgot to tell you something!”
“What?”
“That letter I gave you… it was from your
childhood friend!”
I paused.
She thought I wouldn’t remember. “Remember
last winter, I gave you a letter? I didn’t tell you
who it was from, because you said you didn’t
want anything from Ethan…” She looked guilty. “I wasn’t going to give it to you, but it was
freezing, snowing even. You were out of town
<
for an internship. Ethan didn’t know. He waited
for you all night, outside our dorm.”
“I remember that,” another roommate said.
“Everyone was talking about him. He’s so hot.
He was just lying there on the bench, covered in snow.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“He didn’t see you, and he looked so heartbroken. He asked me to give you the
letter. I felt bad, so I took it… But I didn’t tell you it was from him. I said it was from some guy in another department.”
“I’m so sorry, Liv. I didn’t know what was in the letter. I hope it didn’t cause any misunderstandings.”
I was silent. I should have recognized Ethan’s handwriting. But when my roommate said it was
from someone else, I hadn’t thought twice.
<
11:31
46
1860
It was the month after my dad passed away.
Ethan found out that day. The letter contained a
single sentence:
“Liv, you still have me.”
18
Spring arrived, chasing away the winter chill. I
learned a few things from Chloe.
Veronica got accepted to grad school, but
someone reported her during the public
announcement period. She’d made a few
enemies, and someone had screenshots of her
posting some… questionable things online. Her
acceptance was revoked.
Justin had tried to contact me a few times, but
I’d firmly rejected him. He applied to grad
school too, but failed the interview. I heard he
was trying to pull strings to get a job at a big
company in L.A., but he didn’t have many real
<
11:31
46
friends. No one was willing to help him. I didn’t
hear much about them after that.
In May, as my graduation thesis neared
completion, Ethan came to visit. Before leaving,
he confessed his feelings. Again.
“Liv, it’s gardenia season again.”
“Yeah.”
“I actually love gardenias. And I really, really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?”
I held my phone, inhaling the scent of the flowers nearby. It was a beautiful day. I felt… happy.
“Get off the train at Union Station,” I said. “If I’m there to meet you, it’s a yes. If I’m not… you’ll have to try harder.”
Four hours later.
<
I spotted him instantly. Hoodie up, hands in his
pockets. Same lazy, cool vibe. Totally masking
the… well, he wasn’t really a jerk anymore.
I grinned, flashing my dimples. He beamed,
looking like the shy teenager I’d once known, and rushed towards me through the crowd.
“Liv, do you know what today is?” he asked.
“The anniversary of our first date?”
“And…”
“And?”
“Twelve years ago today,” he said, holding out
a single, perfect white gardenia, “ten–year–old Liv arrived in the city… and met ten–year–old Ethan.”
“Happy twelve years. I love you, always.”
(The End)
