My voice was soft as I spoke into the phone.
“Why would he rather tell you guys than ask
me?”
I’d asked my best friend before.
What did she do when she argued with her
boyfriend?
L
My friend thought for a moment, then said.
“It depends on who’s right and who’s wrong.
Once you both calm down, talk it out.”
But Mark wouldn’t.
He kept everything bottled up.
I never knew why he was angry.
I always had to guess or ask his friends.
I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t
communicate with me.
I couldn’t understand why he’d rather confide
in his friends than ask me for clarification.
Later, I learned a new word: stubborn.
Mark was the most stubborn person I’d ever
met.
He was sensitive and moody.
He only ever avoided and retreated, using
cold words to test me.
Everyone said stubborn people weren’t
suitable for relationships.
But I didn’t believe it, rushing in with a heart
く
full of passion.
But now I was confused.
If only one person always took the initiative,
Could this relationship really last?
I moved back to my own apartment.
But we couldn’t avoid each other at work.
We worked at the same research institute,
but in different departments.
During a work handover, I saw Mark with a
young woman.
She had a sweet demeanor, a recent
graduate, named Jessica.
When Mark saw me, his eyes lit up.
But I ignored him, calmly finishing the
handover.
Mark’s warm expression immediately turned
cold.
He walked past me without a word, avoiding
eye contact.
I heard Jessica curiously gossiping.
<
“Professor Mark has a huge scar on his arm; I
was startled when I first saw it.”
Someone answered.
“You’re new here; you wouldn’t know.
Professor Mark and Sarah from the next
department, they were a couple, known as the
perfect pair.”
“That scar is from an earthquake drill years
ago. Professor Mark carried Sarah when she
was injured. I heard he couldn’t become a
pilot because of the scar, so he switched-
majors and came to our institute.”
Jessica’s eyes were filled with envy: “So
touching, they really are a perfect match.”
Everyone’s curiosity was piqued.
From Mark giving up his dreams for me to
applying to this institute,
Everyone praised Mark’s devotion, and
expressed envy towards me.
Our recent cold war was now portrayed as a
く
playful lovers‘ spat.
“I bet Sarah will apologize first.”
“Last time it was buying us bubble tea; what
will it be this time? I want cupcakes.‘
“I disagree; you’re cheating. Sarah always
apologizes first. If you bet on Mark
apologizing, then I’ll take that bet.”
I stood silently in the corner, listening to their
laughter.
But this time, they were all wrong.
“Mark and I broke up; please don’t mention it
again.
My appearance ended the conversation.
Everyone looked at each other, then
dispersed.
The truth was, our relationship wasn’t as
perfect as everyone thought.
The repeated cold wars and arguments.
Had unknowingly left scars, making it
precarious.
<
I wondered, if I stopped trying to fix things,
stopped trying to save it,
Would Mark realize it? Would he try to win me
back?
Would he apologize first this time?
For a whole month.
Mark and I acted like strangers.
As if competing, neither of us wanted to back
down.
Meanwhile, Jessica and Mark grew closer.
They ate together, left work together.
Even during the weekend team–building
event, Mark chose to hike with her.
Jessica seemed hesitant.
“Isn’t this inappropriate? What about Sarah?” Mark’s tone was cold: “We broke up, didn’t
we? Why would I care about her?”
He didn’t lower his voice; everyone around
could hear.
“And she loves having dinner with other men,
she probably does the same with hiking.”
Instantly, everyone’s gaze towards me
changed; some whispered.
“She doesn’t cherish such a good boyfriend;
she even flirts with others; no wonder he
broke up with her.”
The gossipers dispersed only when they saw
me approaching.
On the hike, Jessica twisted her ankle.
Without hesitation, Mark squatted down and
carried her on his back.
Jessica felt guilty: “I’m sorry, I made us the
last ones.”
Mark comforted her gently: “It’s okay, it was
just a relaxing trip; the ranking doesn’t
matter.
I lagged behind them.
There were an odd number of people, so
everyone had chosen a partner.
I didn’t want to break them up, so I hiked
<
divne.
I was always physically weak, and I was already short of breath.
The couple ahead were in good spirits.
I even heard someone praise Mark for being
responsible.
Mark was indeed a responsible person.
He was polite and gentlemanly to everyone, except me.
In college, he was the class monitor. During
an earthquake drill.
Everyone rushed out.
Only he rushed towards me, carrying me on
his back after I’d twisted my ankle a few days
before.
This incident became a campus legend;
everyone envied my good fortune.
But at the time, Mark was actually scolding
- me.
“Don’t you know how troublesome you are?
<
Why did you come to class with a twisted
ankle?”
“Because of you, our class came in last.
Sarah, you’re utterly useless.”
I actually wanted to say I’d asked for a leave
of absence and didn’t need to participate in
the drill.
But hearing his harsh words, I didn’t want to
argue and make him angry.
Later, his friend told me Mark was just being
stubborn.
He was worried about my injured foot and
wanted me to rest at home.
And he specifically found a traditional
Chinese medicine doctor to prescribe
medicine for me.
“He earned a hundred dollars a day from his
part–time job, but your medicine costs eighty
dollars a patch, and he bought half a month’s
worth without hesitation.”
く
My best friend also envied me: “He’s just
stubborn, but he really loves you. This
tsundere personality is the best.”
But now, seeing Mark comfort Jessica,
I realized he wasn’t incapable of being gentle; he just wasn’t gentle towards me.
I could sense his love for me from others,
But never from his actions.
He was always harsh and cold towards me.
Calling me stupid, calling me frivolous.
Cutting up the scarf someone gave me,
smashing the game console my coworker lent
- me.
I thought he was just jealous, just cared too
much about me.
So, after being pushed away and rejected
time and time again,
I kept reassuring myself, continuing to be
proactive and apologizing tirelessly.
But affection needs a response.
<
In this relationship, I wasn’t flawless.
I felt wronged and sad too.
Stubbornness and lack of love manifested in
similar ways.
I was too sad to tell the difference.
Was Mark really stubborn, or did he just not
love me anymore?
So, I stopped, withdrew from the team-
building event.
