He pursed his lips.
<
“Someone told me that the person you met
on your business trip was just a client. I
misunderstood and lost my temper.”
“And about that photo you liked on Moments,
my friend took me out to clear my head, and
we happened to meet Jessica, so we took a
picture together.”
I stopped, listening quietly.
He probably thought I broke up with him
because I misunderstood his relationship with
Jessica.
But that wasn’t the case; our relationship had
already soured before Jessica appeared.
After several attempts, Mark finally managed
to say,
“I’m sorry, the last argument was my fault.”
His face flushed red.
He stiffened his neck and didn’t dare look at
me; he looked humiliated.
So I asked him, “Mark, is apologizing to me
<
that embarrassing?”
Why was Mark so hesitant and awkward?
If apologizing felt humiliating,
If backing down meant admitting defeat,
What about me, always apologizing and
making amends first?
Mark’s eyes welled up.
“I thought you knew I was just being childish.
After that day, I kept waiting for you to make
up with me. I didn’t mean to break up; I just
wanted you to coax me.”
He trembled, pulling a gift box from his
pocket.
“I got you a gift too; it’s that necklace you
like.”
Mark’s voice choked.
“Why did you break up with me so easily?
“Seven years of relationship, you left so
casually. You only want Pudding, not me.”
I felt so tired. I couldn’t explain it to Mark.
<
He thought my breakup was also a fit of
anger, because that’s how he was.
But hurtful words repeated enough become
reality.
I said, “The breakup isn’t about anything else;
it’s because of your personality.
“You always refuse to communicate, always
stubborn, always avoiding problems.”
Mark clenched his fist, accusing me.
“Ultimately, these are just excuses, it’s
because you don’t love me enough.
“You want to give up on me, give up on our
relationship.”
Mark repeated, word by word, his eyes red,
“Sarah, you don’t love me enough.”
Seven years of pursuit, seven years of
initiative.
In the end, I received the accusation of not
loving him enough.
I asked Mark back, “What about you? Have
<
you changed because you love me?”
I knew about his stubbornness, his sensitivity,
his anxieties.
So I’d always been careful to protect him.
I never dared to angrily say breakup.
Because I knew, once I said those words,
Given Mark’s pride, he wouldn’t back down,
and we’d be truly over.
But he could say it without hesitation,
because I would always give in.
I’d tried to be a patient lover he couldn’t get
rid of.
But this relationship was too exhausting.
I took a hundred steps towards Mark, but
even turning back felt shameful to him.
In the end, my love would be worn out.
Accused of not loving him enough, I was
unwilling to persist.
Both of us ended up badly hurt.
The person who loves you most knows how to
L
hurt you the most.
So I retaliated, word by word.
“Mark, no one can tolerate you.
“No one will love you. You don’t deserve to
be loved.”
After the trip, I applied for a transfer.
I transferred to a research institute in
Shenzhen.
They had more advanced equipment, better
opportunities for me.
Before I left, Jessica came hesitantly.
“Sarah, I’m sorry, I really just ran into
Professor Mark that time. He was in a bad
mood, so he went to the beach to relax.
I glanced at her, then lowered my head.
“You don’t need to apologize to me; Mark
should apologize to you.”
She’s young and hasn’t noticed how obvious
her admiration is.
Mark’s closeness with her was somewhat
<
intentional.
Mark was a neat freak.
Including in relationships; I never doubted his
devotion and loyalty.
I knew he wanted me to be jealous, to force
me to seek him out.
It was a tactic he only dared to use.
During past cold wars, I’d also tried to make
him jealous.
I’d expected it to give him a sense of crisis,
to stop him from losing his temper.
But it didn’t work.
Mark threw all my belongings out the door.
He completely ignored me, even blocking me
from his friends.
Only then did I understand that this tactic
didn’t work on him.
If I took a step back, he’d take a hundred
steps back.
In our relationship, one person had to cling
<
tightly to maintain it.
And that person had always been me.
In Shenzhen, I made new friends.
On holidays, we’d go bungee jumping and
skiing.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done
extreme sports.
I used to be optimistic and confident.
I always actively participated in school
activities.
Later, Mark hid my passport and ID card.
Frowning, he said unhappily,
“Sarah, can you stop acting like a monkey
and running around everywhere?”
My friends tried to comfort me.
“You don’t know him? He’s stubborn. He’s
clearly worried about your safety, afraid
something will happen to you.”
“You know, extreme sports are dangerous.
He wouldn’t care if he didn’t love you.”
