mouth. After a long moment, he said, “Whoa,
you’re intense.”
Ethan was kind of a goofball. He was at the
bottom of his class in elementary school.
Aunt Sarah, a sweet middle school teacher,
would chase him around the house with a
slipper, yelling at the top of her lungs. But
something clicked in middle school. Ethan’s
IQ suddenly manifested itself, and he never
left the top spot in his class, eventually
getting into State University, his first choice.
We arrived at the restaurant. Mom parked,
unbuckling her seatbelt. “Let’s go.” Lily
<
hesitated. “Mom, do you have any lipstick?”
Mom raised an eyebrow, then, noticing Lily’s
flushed cheeks, smiled. “Honey, do you have
a…?” “Shh!” Lily stamped her foot. “Mom,
don’t say it!” Mom handed her a light pink. lipstick. Lily quickly applied it, then turned to
me as we got out of the car. “Ashley, why did
you bolt out of the car so fast?” she asked. “Because you were stomping your feet so hard,” I replied. Lily just glared at me and muttered, “I’m mad at you!” Then she linked arms with Mom and walked ahead.
I trailed behind them, as usual. I envied Lily. I envied her freedom to express herself,
something I could never do. Mom and Lily,
arm in arm, their laughter echoing through the restaurant, while I walked silently behind
<
them. I was used to it. Lily chattered non-
stop, finding amusement in even the potted
plants in the restaurant.
The hostess led us to a private room. As we
approached the door, my heart hammered
against my ribs. I was more nervous than I’d
been during the SATS. At least the SATs had
answers. Ethan was an unsolvable equation
for me, one I might spend my whole life trying
to decipher. The mahogany door swung open,
and I heard Mom greeting Aunt Sarah. Then I
saw him. A familiar, yet somehow new,
profile.
He was wearing a plain black t–shirt. Hearing
the commotion, he turned, his eyes dark and
deep. I wasn’t sure if he was looking at me,
because Lily was standing slightly in front of
<
- me. Ethan’s eyes crinkled at the corners as
he smiled, a playful, almost mischievous grin.
Aunt Sarah nudged him. “Go on, say hi to
your Aunt Carol and your cousins.” Ethan
greeted us, then turned back to his mom.
“Mom, I’m practically an adult now, can you
give me some space?” Aunt Sarah snorted
and ignored him, turning to my mom with a
warm smile. “Come on, Carol, here’s the
menu. What are we having?”
The moms sat down to chat, and Lily
immediately sat next to Ethan, her eyes
shining. “Ethan, do you remember me?” she
asked brightly. Ethan leaned his chin on his
hand, a playful glint in his eyes. “Of course,
you’re Lily–Rose.” Lily–Rose was Lily’s
childhood nickname. A nickname everyone
<
used, and one that clearly flattered her.
“Yay!” she exclaimed, pulling out her phone.
“Can I add you on Snapchat?” “Sure,” Ethan
said, unlocking his phone. I was standing
behind Lily, just close enough to see his
screen. It was his League of Legends stats.
I’d never played, but I made a mental note to
learn. The summer break was long; I had
plenty of time.
After they exchanged Snapchats, Lily was
about to say something else when Ethan
looked up. “Ashley, grab a seat.” Lily glanced
back at me, a flicker of annoyance in her
eyes. “Ashley, sit down already.” I nodded,
scanning the table. Eight seats. Aunt Sarah
wasn’t sitting next to Ethan; she was next to
my mom. Mom was next to Lily, Lily next to
<
Ethan. I quietly sat down on Ethan’s other
side. He paused. “That vent blows cold air
directly on you,” he said. “It’s fine,” I replied,
trying to sound casual. Lily gave me another
look, then turned back to Ethan, her voice
sweet. “Ethan, can you tell me about the
programs at State?” Her cheeks were flushed
as she effortlessly captured his attention.
Ethan leaned towards her, his profile sharp
and defined. He answered her briefly, then
suddenly turned to me. “Ashley, can you hear
us?”
I wasn’t expecting him to talk to me directly. I
froze, about to answer, when Lily cut me off.
“It doesn’t matter, Ashley’s grades aren’t
good enough for State.” I kept my expression
neutral, used to this kind of dismissal. I
く
looked up, straight into Ethan’s dark,
intelligent eyes. My whole body tingled. My
heart pounded. Ethan reached across the
table and placed a bottle of peach juice in
front of me. “Every dog has its day,” he said,
his tone a mix of comfort and nonchalance. I
stared at the peach juice, thinking, He’s the
one who made me fall for him. There’s no
escape.
After dinner, I didn’t see Ethan again for
weeks. I spent the latter half of June.
downloading League of Legends and clumsily
navigating the game, getting reported for
“feeding” more often than not. I spent the
first half of July working a part–time job. Lily,
meanwhile, was probably having a blast
chatting with Ethan on Snapchat, constantly
く
beaming and cheerful.
The day the SAT scores were released, I
packed my bag as usual, ready for my
tutoring gig. Lily was in the living room,
wearing a cute dress and applying makeup. I
knew exactly why she was doing her makeup
in the living room. “Ashley, how does this
lipstick look?” she asked, batting her long,
mascara–laden lashes. Her lips were a vibrant
cherry red. “It looks great,” I mumbled. Lily
pouted. “But do you think Ethan will like it?”
“…Yes.” I lied. Lily beamed. “Good. We’re
going out tonight. Hopefully, he’ll like it.” |
fiddled with my sleeve, wanting to ask, “Are
you guys together?” But the words wouldn’t
come out. How could I ask? Not knowing the
answer meant I could still hold onto my little
<
fantasy.
My tutoring students were twin boys,
elementary school age. They were a constant
whirlwind of energy and questions. “Ms.
Ashley, why don’t you smile?” “Ms. Ashley,
have you ever eaten poop?” That one made
me snap. “Of course not!” I said. They, of
course, only heard what they wanted to hear.
“What does poop taste like?” “Does it smell
bad like stinky tofu, but taste good?” I had a
massive headache. I wanted to retort, “Why
don’t
you try it and find out?” But I couldn’t
say that. Because kids that age might actually
do it. And then I’d be responsible for a
national crisis.
After an afternoon of explaining vertical and
horizontal lines, I was finally free. I said
<
goodbye to their parents and went to the bus
stop, as usual. My phone buzzed with
notifications. I glanced at it – my class group
chat and family group chat were blowing up.
It was 4:30 pm. SAT scores were out.
Dad, who was away on a business trip, was
spamming the family group chat, urging Lily
and me to check our scores and tell him the
good news. Lily said she was out and would
check when she got home. I didn’t reply. He
wasn’t really interested in my score anyway. I
opened the score report website, but it was
taking forever to load. The bus arrived, and I
swiped my card, taking my usual seat in the
back. My hands were shaking so badly that it
took me two minutes to put my bus card back
in my wallet. The website was still loading.
く
Even though I was confident, I was still
nervous. The bus ride was smooth, passing
through a canopy of thick sycamore trees.
The bus grew dim, the bright screen of my
phone a stark contrast. Finally, the page
loaded – a sea of green. My eyes went
straight to the total score. It started with a 1. I
let out a long, shaky breath. Good enough.
When I got home, Lily and Mom were in the
living room. A laptop sat on the coffee table,
and Lily was typing in her registration number
and social security number. Mom sat beside
her, her arm around Lily’s shoulder. “Honey,
don’t be nervous.” I changed my shoes at the
entrance and quietly took my bag to my room.
Lily called out, “Ashley, come out here! Did
you check your score yet?” I walked out.
く
“Yeah,” I said. “Did you get above average?”
she asked. The average score had been
released earlier, around 1000. “Yeah,” I said
again. Mom raised her eyebrows, surprised.
“That’s wonderful, honey!” She stood up and
hugged me enthusiastically. I was a little
uncomfortable, but also pleased.
Suddenly, Lily shrieked. “Mom! I clicked
‘submit‘!” She covered her eyes with her
hands. “Mom, I’m so nervous!” Mom soothed
her, while I watched silently. Lily stayed like
that for a good ten minutes, slowly peeking
through her fingers. Finally, all the color
drained from her face. Mom gasped. I
glanced at the screen. Total score: 1010. I
looked away and started texting my teacher.
Lily wailed. “No! That’s not my score!” “Mom!
<
Someone must have switched scores with
me!” She buried her face in Mom’s shoulder,
sobbing uncontrollably. My ears couldn’t take
it, so I started to head back to my room. Lily
looked up, her eyes red and swollen. “You
said you got above average?! Really?”
“Really,” I said. “But you always score around
800,” Lily challenged. “That was before,” I
tilted my head. “Lily, aren’t you happy for me
that I got above average?” Lily froze. Mom
patted her shoulder, looking disapprovingly at
her. “Honey, that’s no way to talk to your
sister.” She turned to me. “Lily didn’t do as
well as she hoped, Ashley. Don’t mind her.”
“It’s okay,” I said quietly, retreating to my
room.
Once inside, I finally let out a shaky breath,
<
my throat constricting. I couldn’t describe the
feeling. My nose stung, and tears welled up in
my eyes. I blinked them back, grabbing my
phone to distract myself.
I texted my teacher with the good news. She
sent me seven red envelopes, totaling $711. I
tried to refuse, but she insisted, saying that
as the school’s top humanities student, she
was getting a big bonus. She also said that I
might be the state’s top scorer. I hadn’t
heard of anyone scoring higher. I didn’t tell
my parents any of this. They seemed
convinced I’d only scored around 1000. Three
hours after the scores were released, they
still hadn’t asked me my actual score. All their
attention was on Lily, who, still crying,
demanded a score review. The weather
forecast predicted rain, and I had a stuffed
animal drying on the roof. I grabbed a light
jacket and headed upstairs.
Our apartment building was old, and the
stairs to the roof were narrow and steep.
Stepping over the threshold, I was greeted by
a sea of laundry hanging from clotheslines,
potted plants scattered around. The summer
night was both muggy and cool. I scanned the
rooftop, my eyes landing on Ethan. He was
wearing a black windbreaker, his figure tall
and lean. He was leaning against the railing,
Lily standing in front of him. Lily was sobbing.
“Ethan… I messed up… I didn’t do well…” I
stood there silently. I should have left. But I
was like an addict, rooted to the spot, hoping
to hear Ethan say something cold and
dismissive. But that wasn’t him. “It’s okay,
1010 is still good. You can always go to grad
school,” he said, his voice calm. Lily sniffled.
“But Ethan, I won’t be able to go to the same
school as you.” Ethan didn’t reply. A few
raindrops began to fall. I blinked. “It’s
raining,” Ethan said, taking off his
windbreaker and draping it over Lily’s head.
Lily seemed touched. She stood on her
tiptoes and wrapped her arms around Ethan’s
neck. Their heads were close, their lips inches
apart. I quickly turned and walked away.
It poured that night. The next morning, when I
went back to the roof, the potted plants were
soaked, and my stuffed bunny, having
absorbed too much rain, was too heavy for
the clothespin. It lay on the ground, covered
<
in mud. I took it back inside and spent almost
an hour washing it.
Around 9 am, I was getting ready to leave
when Lily emerged from her room, wearing a
pink pleated skirt and a cheerful smile. Our
eyes met, and her smile faltered. “Where are
