“Mom is old; my eyesight isn’t good, my
hands shake, and I always couldn’t embroider the phoenix well, but I finally did it today!”
She shared the good news, saying she would send me the phoenix pillow when I returned
home.
Wishing me rebirth and progress.
I said nothing.
The phoenix pillow.
At fifteen, I envied Jessica’s lark pillow.
It was the love my mother had painstakingly
sewn into it.
The warmth that could accompany me every
day and night.
But from fifteen to eighteen, for three whole
years, my phoenix pillow was never finished.
དvཕཕ,!““, P”༦V’z、 P“དང་”
、
I looked at it day and night, but I never saw
the wings grow longer or the feathers on its head increase.
It remained bare and ugly on my pillow.
I wondered when I could sleep on that pillow. Finally, Jessica jumped from the second floor. She didn’t die but shattered all my hopes.
Now, my mother brought out the moldy hope again, asking me to eat it.
I didn’t want to eat it.
I felt sick.
I sighed deeply, waiting for my mother to
quiet down, then softly asked, “Do you think this is interesting?”
15
There was a long silence on the other end.
Then barely audible sobs, and finally, a light
rain turned into a downpour.
My mother had a breakdown, crying loudly.
I had never heard anyone cry like that
I had never heard anyone cry like that.
Heart–wrenching, desperate, as if she would
cry out her bile.
But I was unmoved, simply moving the phone away to avoid disrupting my thoughts.
I still had a paper to write.
After five minutes, my mother finally cried herself hoarse.
She trembled as she spoke. “Ashley, don’t do this to me… I can’t take it anymore; your dad is hospitalized and not doing well; your brother is constantly harassed by business partners and his spirit is broken.
“Your sister, Jessica, she’s a vampire; to
become a singer, she keeps forcing us to spend money, asking for help from
connections…”
My mom cried, “Jessica doesn’t care about
us; she doesn’t care if we live or die, only
caring about herself. If we don’t satisfy her,
she curses at us and spreads rumors online
about our unfortunate family, saying we favor
you…”
I almost laughed.
Luckily, I controlled myself.
But it wasn’t early, and I needed to finish my
paper, so I said, “I have something to do; let’s not talk anymore.”
I hung up and blocked her, efficiently.
16
After my doctorate, I returned to Zhongda University as a specially appointed lecturer. The positions of associate professor and professor were almost certain.
But academic accumulation was still needed; I
couldn’t rush.
At this time, I was 29 years old, and I would
be 30 in a month.
From when I applied to Zhongda University,
eleven years had passed.
eleven years had passed.
I’d been away from home for eleven years,
only returning once.
Towards the end of the year, I went home
again.
Not actively, but helplessly.
During my time back in China, relatives kept calling, asking me to go home to see my parents, making me annoyed.
I knew my family was behind it.
They never gave up; after eleven years, they still hoped I’d return.
So, I went home again, to settle things. The villa was dilapidated; the plants in the
yard hadn’t been cared for in a long time,
overgrown with weeds.
The pond in front of the house was murky, and two goldfish were floating belly–up.
But someone was in the villa.
I heard a heated argument.
I heard a heated argument.
Jessica’s sharp, domineering voice was like
nails on a chalkboard.
“I said, give me a million! I’m participating in a
major competition; the whole nation will be watching me!
“You must fix things; I must participate, and I must win!”
I frowned; Jessica sounded like a shrew.
