Chapter 39
It had been a month since Celestina lost her baby, and the days hadn’t gotten any easier. Grief clung to her like a heavy shroud, making it hard to breathe, to think, to move. She spent her mornings staring at the ceiling, her afternoons wandering aimlessly through the palace gardens, and her nights lost in fitful sleep, haunted by dreams of what could have been.
Her father had tried to console her, but his words felt empty. Lila brought her tea and warm meals, but she barely touched them. Even Kael, who had become a constant presence, couldn’t seem to break through the wall she had built around herself.
That evening, she sat in her room, gazing at her reflection in the mirror. Her once-bright eyes were dull, and her cheeks were hollow from weeks of barely eating. Her grief had consumed her, and she was tired of feeling this way.
She stood abruptly, tossing her hair over her shoulder. She needed an escape—something to drown the pain, if only for a few hours.
The bar was dimly lit, its air thick with the scent of whiskey and smoke. Celestina sat at the counter, her emerald dress clinging to her frame. She ordered her first drink with a shaky voice, but by the third, her hands had steadied, and a faint flush had crept into her cheeks.
“Another,” she said to the bartender, sliding her empty glass forward.
“Are you sure, miss?” he asked, eyeing her with concern.
“Yes,” she snapped, her tone sharper than she intended. “I’m sure.”
The bartender hesitated but complied, pouring her another shot of amber liquid.
Kael entered the bar moments later, his eyes scanning the crowd. He had followed her discreetly after she left the palace, worried about her sudden departure. When he spotted her at the counter, he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Celestina,” he said, approaching her.
She turned, her eyes slightly glassy but filled with defiance. “What are you doing here, Kael?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he replied, his voice calm but firm. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why not?” she challenged, taking another sip of her drink. “Am I not allowed to forget for a while? To not feel?”
Kael sighed, sitting on the stool beside her. “You don’t need this, Celestina. Let’s go back to the palace.”
“No,” she said, her voice rising slightly. “I’m not going back. I’m tired of everyone looking at me like I’m broken. Like I’m some fragile thing that’s going to shatter at any moment.”
As the night wore on, Celestina grew bolder, her inhibitions slipping away with each drink. She turned to Kael, her gaze locking onto his.
“Do you think I’m broken, Kael?” she asked, her voice low and laced with bitterness.
“No,” he replied, his tone steady. “I think you’re grieving. And that’s okay.”
She laughed, though there was no humor in it. “Grieving,” she echoed. “Is that what you call this?”
She leaned closer, her breath warm against his neck. “Maybe I don’t want to grieve anymore,” she whispered. “Maybe I just want to feel something—anything—again.”
Kael’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t move. “Celestina,” he said carefully, “you’re drunk.”
“So?” she challenged, placing a hand on his chest. “I know what I’m doing.”
Her lips were inches from his when he gently but firmly grabbed her wrist, stopping her. “No,” he said, his voice soft but resolute.
She froze, her eyes narrowing. “No?”
Kael shook his head, his expression pained. “Not like this, Celestina. You’re hurting. This isn’t what you need.”
She pulled back, her face twisting with anger and humiliation. “What do you know about what I need?” she snapped. “You don’t know anything about me!”
“I know enough to see that you’re trying to numb the pain,” he said, his voice calm but unyielding. “And I won’t take advantage of that.”
Tears welled in Celestina’s eyes, though she fought to hold them back. “You’re such a hypocrite,” she said bitterly. “You say you’ve changed, that you care about me, but when I need you—”
“You don’t need this,” Kael interrupted, his voice rising slightly. “You don’t need me like this. You need time to heal, to find yourself again.”
Her tears spilled over, and she shoved him away. “I don’t need your pity, Kael,” she said, her voice breaking.
“It’s not pity,” he said softly, his eyes filled with regret. “It’s love.”
The word hung in the air, heavy and unspoken for so long. Celestina stared at him, her heart pounding.
“Love?” she repeated, her voice trembling. “Don’t you dare say that to me now.”
“I mean it,” Kael said, his tone unwavering. “But I won’t let you use me to escape your pain. You’re better than that, Celestina.”
Celestina stood abruptly, grabbing her purse. “I’m leaving,” she said, her voice cold.
“I’ll take you back,” Kael offered, rising as well.
“I don’t need your help,” she snapped, pushing past him and heading for the door.
Kael followed her outside, ensuring she got into the palace car that had been discreetly waiting for her. As the car pulled away, he stood on the curb, his heart heavy.
Celestina stared out the window, her mind swirling with shame, anger, and confusion. She didn’t know if she hated Kael for refusing her or respected him for it.
