- 7.
I had a long dream.
I was sixteen again.
I held Grace’s hand as I met Ethan’s family.
Ethan wasn’t a monk yet. He was weak,
leaning against a window, reading.
I shyly called out,
“Ethan.”
He looked up.
We both fell in love at that moment.
On our engagement night, he vowed to spend
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his life with me.
After Grace’s death, his eyes held only hatred.
He dragged me to Grace’s body, making me kowtow until my face was covered in blood. Countless times he cornered me, demanding
answers.
My silence ruined us.
But even if I could go back, I wouldn’t change my choice.
We were doomed.
I didn’t know who to blame.
It was just fate. We couldn’t have love or even
hate.
In the end of the dream, my parents and
brother, along with my unborn child,
appeared.
I looked at them, tears streaming down my
face.
“Are you angry at me? I killed you!”
They shook their heads. their eves filled with
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love.
I woke up to Ethan’s swollen eyes.
Though unconscious, I wasn’t unaware.
I heard Ethan’s voice.
He begged me to wake up again and again.
It was both comforting and repulsive.
But when I opened my eyes, I said,
“Ethan, I dreamt of my family.”
“They said they’re not angry, and I should be
with them.”
Ethan lowered his eyes, his expression
unreadable.
He whispered,
“And me?”
“Rachel, what about me?”
My vocal cords were damaged. My voice was
hoarse.
Each word was agony.
But I looked at him, calmly saying,
“Ethan, you tormented me for ten years.
<
Enough is enough.”
“For old times‘ sake, let me go. I can’t take it
anymore.”
He turned away, hiding his tears.
“I don’t want you to die, call me selfish, but I won’t let you go!”
“I just want you alive, even if it costs my life. Rachel, I’m sorry, will you forgive me?”
I looked at Olivia at the door. He followed my
gaze.
“Without me, you have her, and your child.” “You won’t die without me, why force me to
suffer?”
He stood up, wanting to hug me, but afraid to
hurt me.
His hands fell weakly.
“Rachel, I only want you!”
“After Grace died, I don’t know how I felt, but
I still loved you!”
“But you never smiled at me, you never cried
33
in front of me.”
“I admit I hated you, but I was more afraid of
your cold gaze!”
“I wanted to prove that you loved me, so I
used other women, but you just took the pain!”
“Rachel, I regret it, I love you, please live. I’ll die for you!”
He was sobbing.
“Even if not for me, for your parents, our
child… please live!”
I looked at him, saying my last words.
“They wouldn’t want me to suffer here.”
