Explaining
Explaining
Serafine POV
Xander just stares at me like I’ve spoken something that’s impossible, like I’m not speaking in his language. His eyes narrow slightly as he weighs my words. Holding my breath, I wait for him to dismiss what I said. I wait for him to tell me that I’m lying. After all, that seems to be his thing. Denying what I say, pretending it’s not real. Calling me a liar. Every word from my lips so far, he has seen as a carefully twisted lie to try and deceive him. I could be bleeding out and telling him, and he would still consider what game I’m playing.
I can still see the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.
“Jasmine?” he asks slowly, like he’s testing the name and me to see if I mess up. His gaze searches my face like he’s hunting for the lies he thinks I’m saying.
“She was always by my father’s side,” I explain, my voice steady but tired. “They were basically a team. When he travelled, she would go with him. When he negotiated, she would handle the politics of it all. She used my name and my identity, apparently, but I didn’t know it until now. It was rare that I saw outside of my room, let alone other packs. My training was given to her.”
He keeps watching me, his jaw is tight, and the silence stretches into something tangible. I can see it already, the storm brewing in his eyes. I can’t read what he is thinking.
“My question is why?” he asks finally, his voice calm, almost too calm.
Blinking at him, I stand confused. “Why what?”
“Why would your father pretend that Jasmine was his daughter if they were together in such a way?” He steps closer, and I instinctively stiffen. “What exact reason would he have to hide his own daughter away and use another woman as your public face?”
I swallow, my throat suddenly becoming dry, and my hands curl into fists at my side. Shame seems to bite at me hard, and there’s no point in hiding why from him. It’s not like my past is a secret to anyone who knew me. Why would it be from Xander? Someone who already despises me for reasons that I don’t entirely understand.
“The reason why is because I am worthless to him,” I whisper, lifting my chin defiantly and refusing to let my voice break. “1 was never supposed to survive, which meant I wasn’t wanted. I was merely a weak daughter instead of a son. Keeping me hidden was easier than letting the world know he failed at getting a son.”
There’s a flicker of something in his expression, but it’s fleeting and gone far too quickly before I even manage to work out what it was. I saw it. It was real, raw, and shocking. Maybe? Or perhaps it was disbelief? His gaze softens for merely a moment before his entire face goes back to that stoic mask again, cold, guarded, and familiar.
“If you were so useless, why keep you? Why waste money and resources by keeping you alive?” he asks sharply. “If you were truly useless to him, why would he not simply rid himself of you sooner?”
That is a question that I’ve asked myself more times than I can remember or that I want to admit. Hearing it from him, though, twists something painful within my chest, and I force myself to meet his gaze. I refuse to crumble beneath the harsh reality that he’s pointing out.
“I can only assume it was because one day, I might become useful,” I say bitterly, hating how true those words are. “Exactly like now, he sold me to you. He kept me alive because he saw me as an investment. He was waiting for the perfect moment to trade me for whatever advantage he needed.”
Xander’s silence this time feels a lot heavier and more profound. I can almost see the puzzle pieces rearranging in his mind, trying to fit what I’m saying, which is the truth, into what he believed about me.
“And Jasmine played the role he needed,” he murmurs almost to himself, like he’s trying to see it in his mind.
“She always did,” I say softly. It’s not a lie, I heard the stories of how she was. “She enjoyed it, being in the spotlight, having power. I didn’t exist to them, Xander. I was the daughter hidden, the one who should never see other packs. I was a ghost in my own pack and a disgrace.
He exhales a long breath, it’s slow and measured as if he’s recalculating everything he assumed about me. Before I can wonder if he’s finally beginning to believe me and what I’m telling him, his expression hardens. The mask returns, and his walls are back up just as quickly as he dropped them. He’s shielding something vulnerable behind those walls, and he briefly lets me see, even if it’s a mistake.
“Well then, Jasmine did me a favor,” he says cc Successfully unlocked! onless. “She trained you for precisely what you are now, someone who can blend into the background. cone who is quiet and obedient. At least she made you
useful.”
The words sting; they are sharper than I expected. Still, I refuse to let him see how deeply he’s cut me with them. Instead, I straighten my spine and hold his gaze without flinching. I won’t let him think he’s broken me.
1/2
Explaining
“Well then,” I say, mimicking him. “Perhaps you owe her your gratitude then,” I whisper back, matching the same coldness that he is given. “After all, I’m exactly what you wanted.”
For a moment, neither of us moves or speaks. The tension crackles between us like electricity. With a slight nod of his
head, he turns away.
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