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THIS DOUDT
His Doubt
Serafine POV
I get myself ready in my bedroom. Today feels different. For the first time since I arrived here, I didn’t wake up with that dread curling in my chest or panic tight in my throat. My body is sore, but it’s in a way that makes me smile. It’s a good feeling, not bad at all. There’s a private satisfaction lingering in my muscles now.
The water from the bath soothes my skin, and when I get out, I wrap a towel arourne. For a moment, I stand there, doing nothing. I’m humming, light, wordless and soft.
The weight that has been on me for so long has gone, even if I am unsure of what comes next. I do feel good, I’m not whole yet, but at least I feel less fractured.
I look through the clothes that were given to me when I came here, and I pick a dress. It’s soft and loose, but it makes me look so much better. I pin up my hair, well, half of it, and I let the other half flow down my shoulders. My cheeks feel warm still every time I think back to last night.
It’s crazy, especially as my wolf is so calm and content in a way she has never been. I feel tethered, not like a prisoner but as if something inside of me has relaxed its claws and is giving me space.
When I finally step out of my room, I go straight to the dining hall. The house is quiet, in an unusual way. I’m used to seeing maids and such walking around, but there’s no one; it’s entirely quiet.
It’s the kind of quiet that makes my skin prickle and my pulse thud in my chest. I know that it was just last night; the wolves are all calm now.
My body slows when I approach. Glancing down the halls, I see nothing different, just silence from everything else. Pushing the door open, I find the table set already. Food is laid out, and Xander is, as always, there alone. His back is straight, and his gaze is down.
When I enter, he doesn’t look up, and I know instantly something is wrong. I also notice his second in command, who I believe is waiting by another door.
Not hesitating, I move to the table. I know he was expecting people back, so maybe something is wrong with them? I try to stay composed as I sit down where I normally do. I place a small portion of food onto my plate and then glance at him. “Morning,” I say, keeping my tone light.
He doesn’t answer right away. Finally, he gives me a brief nod, but his jaw is tight, as if he’s fighting back something. The warmth I felt earlier from both him and the bond flickers and fades quickly. I try to push it back and focus on my meal, but I can feel the cold edge creeping into my thoughts already.
There’s a shift today in him, a wall rebuilding that I had thought we were breaking through.
We stay quiet as we eat, or rather, I eat because he barely does. The only sound is the scrape of cutlery and the distant creak of the wind against the windows.
As soon as I finish eating, I set my fork down. I’m unsure if I should excuse myself or ask for permission, before I can decide, Xander stands abruptly.
“I will walk you to the school,” he says curtly.
Nodding slowly, I rise and follow him, but the uneasy feeling in me sinks even deeper now.
We walk a few steps in silence before he stops just before the door, and blocks my path. He doesn’t look at me, turn to face me or anything.
“How are you communicating with your pack?” he asks. His voice is quiet, but it’s sharp enough to cause damage, instant damage because he’s now back to accusing me again.
The questions still blindsides me, though, and I blink at him in confusion as he turns to face me. “What?”
His eyes are unreadable now. “I want to know exactly how you’re sending them information. Your father. About the
Hollowfangs and me.” His voice is low, but I can tell he’s restraining the fury building within him.
“I’m not,” I say quickly, my voice is still sharp with disbelief. “I don’t have a pack, remember? I’ve never had one. I told you that.” How can he forget the place I was in at my father’s pack?
“Stop lying,”
My stomach drops. He’s honestly finding a new reason to lock me out. Now it’s that I’m speaking with my father’s pack? “I‘ m not lying,” I say again, more firmly. “Why would I lie about that? I’ve not seen anyone, I’ve not left, you know that. I don’t have anything, no phone, no way to send messages. Which you know, as you ensured people knew I wasn’t allowed to.” “You have the truth,” he snaps. “Somehow, Gideon now knows everything that I’ve kept buried for a decade! He knows I’m not a rogue, and he knows about the Hollowfang Ravens. He right now, knows far more than he should, and it all started
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His Doubt
after you arrived.”
The words land hard, and take the air from my lungs. I would never tell anyone about the Hollowfang Ravens, ever. I can’t explain why to him, though. Not without telling him who I am, which is something I’m still uncovering.
“You think that I’m sending back information?” I stare at him, shocked by how quickly things changed.
“I think…” he says before stepping closer, “you’ve been raised by a monster, someone who knows how to manipulate. So I think that you’re more like him than I want to admit.”
My body moves back, not with fear, but with the weight of his words. The betrayal from him, he’s really already finding reasons to throw me out. To make me into a monster just to make himself feel better?
“Then why claim me?” I whisper. Why would he do all that if the first time something happens, he instantly accuses me? His mouth presses into a line, and for a moment something flickers in his expression. I’m sure it’s regret, but it could also be doubt. It vanishes just as quickly, and his cold expression comes back.
“At that moment I thought I could trust you,” he explains. “Now, I’m not so sure.”
The bond between us hums, and it’s strained, flickering at the edges. I can still feel him, but it’s like someone has cracked the connection. The cold seeps through it.
“How can you accuse me, without any form of evidence? What do you have to prove it was me? It could be anyone in your pack, but no, you look at me.” Pain builds in my chest, and he stands staring at me like he doesn’t care.
He should, because I am going to find a way out of this pack. I’m going to run, then he can keep his accusations, his lies, his hatred to himself because I won’t be here for him to place them on.
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