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Waking
Waking
Serafine POV
I’m not sure what happened. One moment, I was in too much pain, and then I passed out. I remember trying to get my wolf closer, but it was being pulled further and further away.
Then someone was holding me, and I recognised the scent instantly as Xander. Then I felt his wolf. I wanted to push him out, ignore him, reject him. I felt it, though, the way he clung to my wolf and dragged it closer. I felt it all.
I felt the way my wolf was howling in pain, the way he reacted as if he felt the pain as well. I couldn’t push him out. I wanted to, I wanted him out of my mind, away from the bond, but the thought of losing my wolf made me give in and help him drag her back.
When she finally came to the front and our connection snapped back into place, just as strorig as before, everything disappeared. The pain, the feel of Xander, everything. I don’t think I’ve slept like this before, it’s almost like I’m in a coma.
There’s nothing, just darkness but it’s a relief from the pain I was facing before.
When I open my eyes, I’m still being held, and I can sense Xander instantly. Despite the ache in my body and the tiredness, I begin to pull away from him. I won’t let him near me again. I don’t care; this was one step too far.
He was trying to get rid of my wolf, he was punishing me by taking away the one thing that makes me who I am.
His arms hold me tighter, and I wrench myself free from his hold. My body trembles with exhaustion, but I don’t stop until I have put enough space between us both. The ache inside of me flares with the movement, but I grit my teeth against it. I won’t show weakness in front of him, not now, not ever again.
I was beginning to trust him, for him to punish me without any proof. Xander reaches for me instinctively, as if he can still somehow fix this, as if his touch could erase what he did to me. His hand hovers in the air between us, like he’s hesitant and uncertain, good. So he should be.
For the first time, I see the fear in his eyes, not fear for himself, but fear at what he has possibly just lost.
I don’t care, it’s too late. I will deal with a lot, but this, it was too far. His apology right now won’t help or change a thing. Nothing he says or does will change a thing.
“Serafine,” he says. His voice is low and rough, and sounds broken at the edges. “I didn’t know. I never meant for it to be like this. I thought-”
I laugh slightly and cut him off. “Your thoughts are wrong,” I snap, my voice raw from everything I have been through. From the screaming that I did, caused by his actions. “You thought I was like him. You thought that I was a traitor, and you decided to punish me for it without proof. You tried to destroy the only part of me that has ever been mine!”
He flinches, as if my words have physically struck him, but I won’t stop. He needs to know I’m serious, this, whatever it is, it‘ s done. I don’t care about the bond, I don’t care about us being mates.
I won’t ever accept him or let him near me again. Nothing he does can change that.
“You don’t get to explain this away. You certainly don’t get to pretend like this was a mistake, and never meant to go this far or be this bad,” I continue, and my chest heaves. “You made your choice, Xander. You made multiple choices which led to this. You made the choice for me to never trust you again, the second you called for that syringe. You made it the second you stood there and watched while I screamed, and still ensured your men kept me in place.”
That’s the worst part, even as I screamed, he didn’t order his men to release me. He didn’t react; he just watched.
He moves closer, the desperation now flickering across his features, but I don’t care. “Serafine, please, just listen to me. If I had known-”
I move back quickly, cutting him off again. The bond between us hums with strain, it’s stretched so thin I feel like one more word from him, might cause it to snap entirely.
“No,” I say firmly. “I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want your excuses. I don’t want your guilt!” My eyes drop. “I heard the stories about you, and I began to think people misjudged you. I couldn’t see how you, the man I’ve been staying with, could be seen as so cold and heartless. That was my mistake, you’re a monster.”
I meet his gaze fully then, forcing him to see it…the end. The one he created.
“Stay away from me, do you hear me? I want you to stay away from me, to never come near me again. Yes, you bought me, so go ahead, use me, but do not even look at me again ”
He stays silent, his hands slowly lowering to h Successfully unlocked! plessness in his eyes. For once, despite all his strength, he’s helpless, like I was. His mouth opens nike ne might argue, but he looks at me and must realise there’s no negotiation. There’s no fixing this.
Turning away from him, my body screams in protest, but I stand and take a step toward my bathroom. I can still feel him watching me, but I don’t look back to confirm it. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing the tears that are burning at the
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Waking
back of my eyes.
I won’t let him ever see me cry, not now, not ever again. The door closes with a heavy click behind me, and I look it without hesitation. My hands are shaking, and my body is weak, but I press my forehead against the wooden door. I force myself to breathe through the storm of emotions that is tearing through me.
He tried to kill a part of me, like it didn’t matter, and I won’t ever forgive him for it.
Sliding down the door, I sit on the cold floor. My arms wrap around my knees instantly, and my wolf stirs weakly inside of me. It’s fragile but alive at least, and I hold onto that thread with every ounce of power I have.
He doesn’t deserve a chance to fix this, or a chance to have me. Not anymore.
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