Her
Xander POV
I’ve been fixing things with the pack. They know everything, and I apologised to them -something I don’t think I ever did with Serafine. Did I apologise to her? I don’t think I did, not when I realised she wasn’t lying about being untouched.
I’m giving my pack apologies, but I still owe Serafine so much more.
“The Guardians are reacting weirdly.” Garrick looks at me, and I sigh.
“Yeah, I can feel it,” I whisper. I’ve been feeling it for a while now. This deep restlessness, like something is coming, but what?
Sighing, I lean back. “Any update on Giddeon?” I ask.
I’ve not got actively involved, I’ve just ensured some of my Gamma and Betas are watching him. If he comes in this direction I will know.
It’s been nine months since Serafine left, and getting through the rituals is painful. It’s actually torture but I take it, I let that pain burn me, because I deserve it all. I made her hurt over and over, so I should be punished by the mating bond.
“He’s not showing any signs of planning an attack. He’s not mentioned you or this pack. He’s still believing you have Serafine hostage here.”
“Good.” I need that, I need him to think she’s here then she’s safe.
“They will be back within a few days to check in before the next team leaves.”
“Leave it, we don’t need to constantly be watching him. Just make sure they are aware if they travel near his pack in the future to call in.”
“I will,” He nods, and I stand. The moment I do, pain floods through me, and I grip the table. Breathing deep, I grit my teeth.
“Alpha?” Killian looks at me.
“It’s fine, it will just be the bond and rituals,” I hiss as I straighten, and the pain goes. I go to take a seat, and pain hits me again. My hand grabs the chair this time.
“There are no rituals right now.” Killian looks at the time. “And those signs are of you rutting, either.”
“It’s fine,” I growl and stand up. But god, my stomach hurts. My back as well, but nowhere near as much as my stomach. I go to speak, and pain hits again.
Shit. Something is wrong. Is Serafine okay? I grab the chair harder, the wood breaking beneath my hand.
Successfully unlocked!
“Is… Is it coming and going?” Garrick looks at me.
1/5
Her
“Something is wrong with Serafine,” I snap.
“Yes, which is why I’m asking, is it coming and going, the pain?” His words are sharp and suck in a breath.
“Yes, but it’s fine.” I take another deep breath and straighten. Garrick and Killian are staring at each other. “What?” I growl as more pain explodes.
“Just, well… The pain is coming and going,” Garrick whispers.
I can’t breath right, my lungs seize up and every time that pains hits again, it’s sharper, twisting through my ribs and down my spine like I’m being torn open from the inside.
I grit my teeth and fist the chair harder and the wood breaks, splinters bite into my palm and I move to grab the table instead.
Killian and Garrick are still staring at me, and I know what they’re thinking and no, they‘
re wrong.
“This isn’t possible,” I growl, voice hoarse. “There’s no way. She’s not even here.”
“She doesn’t have to be here for you to feel it,” Killian says quietly. “If she’s your mate, truly your destined mate, and you’re bound through blood, you’d feel it from anywhere.”
“No,” I hiss. “That’s a myth. That’s not how it works.” I’ve heard stories that a mate can feel it, but I’ve never seen it; it’s not happening!
. The truth is, I don’t know how it works. Not with Serafine, nothing about us has ever
followed the rules. The pain rips through me again, and this time, it’s worse. It makes me stagger, my knees hit the ground, and I catch myself against the edge of the table. I snarl as sweat beads along my spine.
“She’s in labor,” Garrick says.
I snarl at him, baring my teeth. “Don’t say that.”
“Xander,” Killian steps closer. i can see he’s frustrated. I don’t want to believe it. He moves to kneel down in front of me. “You need to listen. You said the bond never faded. You’ve felt it shifting for weeks, don’t lie about that now.”
My vision blurs, not from pain this time, but fury. Not at them. At myself. At Serafine. She left, she knew and she left. She didn’t come back.
I wanted to believe I’d done the right thing by letting her go. I told them not to follow, to leave her. Now though, the thought of her going through something like this alone, or with strangers and no one there to protect her. It makes my skin crawl. If it hurts me this much, how much pain is she in?
My wolf is howling inside of me, furious and frantic. He knows, he’s been trying to make me feel it. I pushed and shoved him down for ages now. He’s obsessed with it, constantly wanting to find her. I buried him under guilt and penance, but now he’s clawing his way to the surface as if this pain is confirming everything.
2/5
Her
She’s in pain. She’s scared. And I’m not there.
The bond begins to pull tighter and my whole chest squeezes with it.
“She’s close,” I whisper.
“What?” Killian’s voice is sharp.
“She’s close,” I repeat, clutching my chest. “I can feel her. She’s trying to fight it, but it’s there. She’s pushing me out. She doesn’t want me near it.” She’s a few days away at the most, has she always been that close by?
“Then we find her,” Garrick says.
I shake my head.
Killian stares at me. “What the hell do you mean no? She’s having your son! An Alpha, to this pack!”
“I’m not doing this to her again,” I mutter. “She left for a reason, and that was her choice. If I go charging in now, I’ll just make it worse. I’ll make her afraid and she will hate me. She thinks I’ll drag her back. She thinks I’ll punish her.”
“You wouldn’t,” Garrick says, but there’s hesitation in his voice.
“Wouldn’t I?” I look up at him, eyes burning. “After what I’ve done to her, you really think she trusts me to just show up and not take everything from her again? Her father
- is still there, I still want his head mounted at the gate of our pack!”
Killian crosses his arms,his brows low. “So what’s your plan, then? Sit here and bleed out every time something tears through her?”
I grit my teeth just as another wave crashes into me, and I nearly vomit from the pain. My wolf growls in my chest, desperate, wild. It’s harder to push him down now.
“No,” I whisper. “We find her, I want you to fine her. But no one goes near. You hear me? No one lays a hand on her. No one speaks to her. I just need to know she’s safe. That she made it through, check the baby, see if he’s okay.”
“And if she’s not?” Garrick’s tone is quiet.
“Then I burn the whole fucking world to the ground,” I growl.
Forcing myself to stand upright, every bone in my body is screaming. Killian reaches out and tries to steady me but I shake him off. I lean into the table. Blood is running down my palm where the splinters have dug in. I drag the map we’ve marked before.
My fingers trace the edge of the northern border. I need to know she’s okay, I need to know the baby is okay. After that, I will leave her alone.
“She’s not in a pack. She’s not hiding with wolves we know that. We would’ve sensed her by now when we visited them. She’s in one of the outcast settlements. Maybe the old cities near the cliff edge, where the rogue–born went to start over.”
3/5
Her
“You want us to send someone?” Killian asks.
There’s a lot of them. She wouldn’t go to the closest would she? No, the guardians would surely take her further than that.
“No,” I say. “I want five wolves, the fastest we have. They follow her scent if they find it, but they don’t get close and they certainly don’t speak. They don’t make themselves known. All I want is for them to watch. Then they report back. If anything looks off, if she’s in danger, then they come back.”
“And what if she sees them and panics?”
I frown harder. “She won’t if they follow the rules. They stay back, they stay hidden.”
Killian blinks. “Are you sure you don’t want us to bring back the baby?”
hod. “No one goes near her or the baby! Their orders are to stay hidden, see if she’s in
at settlement, and if so, report back how she is!”
The pain eases just slightly, which has my wolf settling for a heartbeat.
“She’s still alive,” I murmur. “I feel it.”
“She’s going through something big,” Garrick.says, not unkindly. “But she shouldn’t have to do it alone.”
I close my eyes. “I know. that, but I don’t deserve to be there. I wouldn’t get there in time anyway.”
“Maybe not,” Killian says. “But that doesn’t mean she wants to be alone. Many of the outcasts won’t speak to her as she’s accepted her wolf.”
I open my eyes and look at them both. “Just find her.”
“And after?” Garrick asks.
I take a breath, letting the silence answer for me.
“After,” I say, “I’ll wait. However long it takes. If she wants me, she’ll find me.”
If she never does, then I’ll die with this pain in my chest and her name on my breath.
I won’t take her freedom from her again, even if it kills me.
“Go to this one first, it’s the second closest.”
“Should we not go to the closest?” Killian stands confused.
“She won’t go there, the Guardians wouldn’t let her stay that close, this one.” I tap the map and breath. She will come back, soon.
4/5
Subscribe
